Pretzel....

Well, here goes nothing, but I hope it means something....BUT first, thank you to all of those who show your support to my brother and I over "here". We just can't say enough to those who support us with care packages, prayers, and thoughts. THANK YOU!!

Well, if you read the last post I said I was going to write another post the other night....but I just couldn't get the thoughts together and I just wasn't ready....I'm not really sure that I am now, but I'm going to try. This post really doesn't have much to do with the "war" and everything over here....this is one of the only personal posts I'll put on here. I try to keep my personal life seperate from this blog. I guess this is one of those times where I want to vent/express what is on my mind and in my heart and there's just no one else to talk to. Some of you that read this won't understand it, some of you will.

Pretzel. Odd name for a title to a post, I know. But that's about how I feel at this point. My head's all tied up like a pretzel....I know, that's a quote from Tallegada Nights, but that's about how I feel right now. I don't know where to start, I don't know what to say and not to say, and I don't know how to finish. If you could hear me right now, there would be a lot of sighing....some deep breaths and this look of....concern...no, just "that look". I don't know where to start because I don't want to say too much, but there's so much I want to say. Ah, how do I start this?! Before I went home on R&R I made the decision to start living better. Start doing more of the right things and less of the crazy "young" things. People say that the war 'changes people'. Well, 'people' are right. It's made me stop taking so much for granted and is making me realize that all we have can be gone in a flash. I've seen it first hand, and it's not pretty...physically or mentally. So, I've decided to live more like I should and more like God wants me to. So when I got home, I tried to focus on my family and quality time with my friends and not just partying every night. I think I did ok with all that. Sure, there were a few nights and times I should have been with my family and not with friends, but I tried. This isn't coming out like I want it to. The pretzel is still all tied up....

You know, I've made some mistakes...the time period between Germany and Iraq was filled with stupidity and selfishness. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to my family and friends. Sometimes the greatest thing in our life is right in front of us and we can't see it. I want to come home so bad and make things right. The song 'my front porch lookin in' says it all. And the most beautiful thing happened while I was home...sitting in the rocking chairs in my back yard watching a little angel run around.... dinner at my folks house with her and Lukas... if that's what I have to look forward to one day, I can't wait! Little blue eyed blonde with her shoes on wrong... I can't wait! So I get back over here and I start downloading songs off the internet because while I was at home I didn't know any of the songs on the radio. One of the songs I downloaded is, "Roll with me" by Mongomery Gentry. You know what, I love songs like this. It seems like when I just can't put things into the rights words, someone else does it in a song. I'm so ready to start living my life, slowing it down, worrying about nothing except the man I want to be. If you haven't heard this song, download it. This song says everything I've been thinking and feeling for some time now. I'm tired of all the crap and hustle and bustle. I'm ready to slow down, love the town I live in, and just do my best to be the man I want to be. Everything happens for a reason, I believe that. I'm not sure when another song came out, but when I downloaded that song...I almost melted. I'm not sure if why I heard that song...but that it says it all. "I still miss you" by Keith Anderson....yet another great song to check out. Please be patient with me, it's starting to come out a little easier... I'm so sick of missing out on true happiness. I'm so tired of being fake, miserable, and someone I don't want to be. I need to slow down......sorry. I'm convinced that everything happens for a reason. Because of that, I have no 'regrets'. I will not say that I regret anything. ALTHOUGH, I REALLY REALLY wish I wouldn't have made a trip to europe 14 months ago...sorry but that's the truth. But, again, I don't regret it. I'm sure something good will come out of it....maybe. Whatever... I will say this though, when I get my 'business' taken care of...my life will get back on the right track. Well, I'm kinda starting to feel somewhat better....I hope you don't mind me venting on here, I really hope you don't mind.

So, yeah....this whole 'war' thing has changed me. I'm pretty sure people are pretty right on when they say it changes everyone that comes over here. But, at least in my case, it's for the better. I hope that you will benefit from it too. I hope a lot of people can benefit from it. Maybe one day I'll say something or do something that will make someone else think....hmmm ok. I'm looking forward to coming home and turning a new leaf in my life. I'll be 27 years old. It's about time to grow out of the craziness and all that 'crap'. Now, don't think I'm going to jump off the deep end, I'm not going to come home; sell the Ninja, empty the fridge, and not wear jeans with holes in them. I'm still me. But, I'm looking forward to really 'living life' and not just being another person going through the motions. Moderation. That's a good way to put it.

Well, I hope you somewhat enjoyed this post. I thought twice about actually posting it. It's almost a little too personal, but sometimes it's just hard to keep somethings bottled up. Relating this back to being over here: There's not much at this point that can get me down. My unit has a record of breaking my spirit, but not anymore. Not this guy. I have too much to look forward to when i get home. I don't have much time left over here, and if I can help it, nothing will get me down. Nothing.

Till next time,
Somewhere in Iraq,

SGT Wormy

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