Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Where's My Daddy?

Hello to all of those who continue to show your support to my brother and I! I greatly appreciate it! WE greatly appreciate it.

Before I get to the main part of the post...I'll fill you in on what's been up in my life lately....God has been showing himself to me more and more lately. It's been really wonderful! I've been dating an incredible woman! We're doing really well. She's amazing! Work is going ok. OK at best I guess. I'm getting geared up and getting ready for hunting season. I got a muzzleloader so I could hunt a little earlier and hopefully get a jump on a big buck. Overall, life's going pretty well, better now that I've got Leslie, my girlfriend. Enough about that...I'm kinda drawing a blank here...I thought I was gonna fill you in on some cool stuff... but, I guess that's all I got.

Now, I don't normally warn or say this before a post that I think might upset someone...however...I'm gonna do my best to put some good thought into the next part of this post. I'm going to do my best to make you cry. Point blank. SO, if you're not in the mood, not by yourself, not in a spot that you can get a little emotional... come back when you are. Come back when it's a better time....

Where's my daddy?

This was dropped into me today as I was getting ready for work. I'm not sure why, well maybe I do know why. I got to thinking about children who don't have a father in thier life. Children that by no choice of thier own, wonder each day, where's my daddy? But then there's some that don't see daddy because daddy doesn't choose to see them...Why? Why would you leave your little girl asking "where's my daddy?" Why would you choose to do something selfish instead of being there for your little girl? She'll only be little once. She'll only be 5 one time. She'll only be 6 one time. Picture her sitting in the car on the way home when someone else picks her up, and that's when it starts...where's my daddy? Later as she gets to the house...where's my daddy? It's been two weeks since I've seen him last...where's my daddy? My time with daddy is usually really short and I miss him...where's my daddy? Daddy? Don't you miss me? Don't you wanna look into my beautiful eyes and tell me you missed me too? I just can't wait to tell you I love you and give you a big hug. Why aren't you here? Did I do something wrong? Where's my daddy? I miss you daddy. Did I not give you enough hugs last time I saw you to make you want to rush back to me? How come you're not here? Daddy it's Halloween and I got this little cowgirl outfit to wear and get candy... where's my daddy? Who's gonna hold my hand when we go trick-or-treating? I'm only gonna be little for a short while longer...and the cute outfits will turn into prom dresses and formals...so don't you wanna see me in my cowgirl outfit before it's too late and outgrow it? Where's my daddy? And when we get home tonight, who am I gonna sleep with? I need you close daddy so the boogy man won't get me...afterall, it is Halloween. I need you here to keep me safe daddy. I am so excited to get to spend a couple days with you...what's happening that you couldn't come see me? What's more important than me daddy? Tell your mean ol boss that you've got a beautiful princess to see and his work can wait till Monday... where's my daddy? Daddy, you do wanna see me right? I miss you. I love you daddy. Where's my daddy? Oh and daddy my last soccer game is tommorrow. I'm gonna run so fast and play so hard just so you will be proud of me and watch me win. I'm so excited that you'll be there! Just having you there, I know I'll play good! You are coming right daddy? Maybe one day when I'm older you can show me pictures of when I was little and I played soccer and I did good, and you'll think back on how precious I was and how much fun we had together. I hope I score a goal just for you daddy! I'm gonna do my best just for you! Where's my daddy? Daddy, you are coming right? After the soccer game, maybe we can go back to grandma's house and carve pumpkins! Ya! That sounds like so much fun! But I'll need you there to make sure I don't get hurt with the sharp knife. I just know that's gonna be fun! I love you daddy! And then, after that we can go see the fishes at the store with all the animals. Remember when I used to feed the little deer at the campsite there, that was so much fun. Wow daddy, I'm growing so fast! There's so much I wanna do with you daddy, but we never seem to have enough time to play bunches. It's ok though, at least I get to see you for a little while. I like it when you comb my hair all pretty. Daddy I miss you. Can you ask mommy if I can come see you sooner next time? And oh ya! can we finish making those apple pies with grandma? Last time we ran out of time too...but it was still ok, I got to see you daddy! I bet you just can't wait to come see me. I just know that you won't let anything or anyone keep you away from your only little girl daddy. Daddy, what if something happens and I don't see you anymore? What if I grow up wondering what was so important that kept you away....I know for a while you were in the mountains fighting the bad guys, but you're back now...I can't wait to see you daddy! I love you daddy. I miss you daddy. I can't wait to see you....grandma, where's my daddy? Pa, where's my daddy? I love you daddy! I'm sorry daddy, I shouldn't worry like this, I know you're coming, I just know it.

I'm not sure if you've read any of my past blogs and right now I'm not sure how much I've shared on here about what I have and don't have. I have a lot of "stuff". I have a lot of "toys". I have a lot of "nice things". I have a "nice house". I have a lot of material "things". Material things. The one thing I don't have is the one thing I have wanted the most for so long. You can't buy it. You can't put it on a credit card. You won't find it at Wal-Mart. However, the one thing I long for so badly, so many have...yet they choose to put it to the side like it's not important. Some take it for granted like it will be here forever....like we'll be here forever. The one thing that should be, and could be the most amazing thing each one of us will ever experience. But, some choose. Choose. Choose to put it aside like it doesn't matter. They choose to place other things first. They choose to do things of the world and selfeshly replace the most amazing thing with a quick fix of "happiness". Which, in the end, in my opinion, you miss out and only find yourself wishing you had done things a little differently. The one thing I don't have, the love of a child. Small, innocent eyes looking to me like I'm superman and I can take on anything. A small hand to reach out to me as we walk across the parking lot into the grocery store. The innocents of a child's love. The heart warming, heart breaking, amazing, unexplainable love of a miracle sent from God making me the happiest man on this place we call earth. Beautiful eyes that look to me for answers, safety, shelter, and security from the big world around them. There's a lot of things in this world that you do, have, buy, and possess that will still in the end leave you empty and wanting more. But love. Love. And in this case specifically the love of a child. Someone calling me daddy. A man should need no more. I just can't imagine the feeling a father must have when their child looks up and says, "I love you daddy." And yet, some...some CHOOSE not to be a part of this. I honestly do not think I'll ever understand it.

Till next time,
SGT Wormy


Anonymous said...

YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE BEST FATHER!!! That day will come. God wouldn't deprive you the opportunity to give all that LOVE away!

Still keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

My daddy just went when I was 3 I am now 16 I haven't seen him or got in contact with him in 13 years